I'm gonna have a badass scar
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Terrible idea I love it
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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