Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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