Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
