Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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