What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
