I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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