You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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