Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
