i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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