dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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