I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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