I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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