Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
