i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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