plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
