Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
