I wish my penis had an off switch
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
