Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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