Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have already put on my inside pants.
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