Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
