Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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