recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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