he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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