Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
