You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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