tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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