Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
