Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
