making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
