you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
