I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
