foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
