Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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