Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
