I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
