you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
