Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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