Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!

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(801): View more from Utah

My underwear smells like fireworks.

Fav 19 5005 1069
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(423): View more from Tennessee

Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka

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(312): View more from Illinois

just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.

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(949): View more from California

The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.

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(972): View more from Texas

Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.

Fav 3 1084 1192
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(587): View more from Alberta

You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later

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(786): View more from Florida

You’re not his type

(305): View more from Florida

I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type

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