Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
They have beer where we have blood.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
