i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
