I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
