Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
