In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize