shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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