I hate all girls vehemently.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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