two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
