So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
