she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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