so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Small penises have feelings too.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
