So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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