he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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