Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
