I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
where does the pee come out of this thing
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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