I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
