I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
