Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
