I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
