Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
