"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
