do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
operation have a gay friend backfired
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
