why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Welp...herpes.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
