we have officially lost it.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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