I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
