I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
