Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just had sex on a roof
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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