You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
