it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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