you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
