I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
