I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
