Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
