I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
