i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
