nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
