I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
