Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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