my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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