There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
