Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My bed smells like the plague
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
